It seems that every expectation becomes diluted when reality reaps its poison onto it, rotting all your dreams, all your hopes and all your wishes into an abyss of decay. The dream of University has entered this abyss, it has been tainted by reality, and what a revelation! University is just another part of that corporate journey, leading you onto the 9-5 which in fact actually “doesn’t exist any more, you’ll find you spend all day and night at your job, so enjoy your spare time now”(says my lecturer Stephen Morton, wouldn’t want to plagiarise now would we?)- and that’s what we have to look forward to after the 3 year struggle we have ahead to procure either a 1:1 or 2:1 (which I’ve been advised we must get otherwise we WILL be unemployed). And I question myself again, is that it? Is that all I have to look forward to?
Foolishly, perhaps, I thought University would be something different- an eye-opening experience, and it has been, it has revealed all the grim realities about life that I hoped were not true: we are born, we are raised, we make money, we contribute to ‘society’, we die. But I still hope for more, I scramble around in the darkness looking for some form of hope… some may say this is childish but I refuse to believe that this is all I have to live for.
I wanted to meet people with passion who cared about something, people like me. But all I am is isolated, questioning how people can settle for this, can think that this is good enough. I don’t want to be trained to be the perfect citizen, with transferable skills, lack of opinion and a willingness to do anything, charitable to some extent so that it looks good, but predominantly selfish: the idyllic robot of the corporate machine. I want to break free of this restraints and find myself not turn into another replica of the ideal. I don’t want to be a base creature, living off pathetic pleasures, I want to be more than that.”It is better to be Socrates dissatisfied than a fool satisfied” after all. I’ll remain unsatisfied if that’s the cost- I just thought this would be different.
Being induced into University was more than reminiscent of the induction into A Level studies, and the induction into GCSEs before that and the induction into secondary school that preceded that. It’s getting a bit fucking repetitive, don’t you think?
I feel pretty sedated by it all right now.